Regret
by anniegirl132
Summary: I can't believe I let this happen, and everything else really. Maybe if I wasn't such an emotionless jerk all of the time this wouldn't be happening right now. I've been cruel ever since I met him…


**Hi everyone! It is summer now and that means I have more time to write, yay! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

normal

_flashback_

**Warning: character death, violence, and angst**

**And I hope this isn't too confusing, but present time (normal) parts are in Sasori's POV, and all of the flashbacks are 3****rd**** person POV.**

**Hope you like it! ^_^**

**. . . . .**

I can't believe I let this happen, and everything else really. Maybe if I wasn't such an emotionless jerk all of the time this wouldn't be happening right now. I've been cruel ever since I met him…

_Two figures walked down the dark hallways of the base, stopping at one of the doors._

"_Hey Sasori, why where you in that hideous puppet when you came to get me un," the taller blonde asked._

"_Hiruko is not ugly Deidara, it is art, and it's my armor, I wear it whenever I leave the base," the short redhead answered, glaring at his new partner._

"_I respect you as a fellow artist and all, but there's no way that creepy puppet is art un," Deidara stated._

"_Well, then what do __**you **__think art is," Sasori growled, folding his arms across his chest._

"_Art is a single fleeting moment of beauty, lasting only for a second but forever in the minds of those who see it un," he said grinning as he imagined his explosions._

"_Tch, that's stupid brat. Art is eternal, something that can last forever and never fades," he argued, scowling._

"_Now you're the one being stupid danna un."_

"_You impudent brat!"_

I should have tried to accept him as an artist, even if I don't agree with him. He obviously accepted me, the brat even calls me master, but all I ever did was degrade him and his views. Even before I knew him well, I already treated him as though I hated him. I guess at first maybe I did hate him a little.

"_Don't worry Sasori-no-danna, this mission will be easy un," Deidara said happily as he walked through the forest next to his partner._

"_Of course it will brat, we're only getting a scroll. I could have easily done this alone," Sasori stated from within his Hiruko puppet. He had been doing solo missions up until now and wished it could have continued that way. His new partner was very irritating and constantly went on about his ludicrous ideas on art. _

"_But I'm your partner now Sasori danna, so I'll help you un."_

"_You can't use your explosions for this brat." Another reason why he didn't understand the leader's reasoning for sending Deidara with him. The mission required stealth. That meant the use of explosives was off-limits. Why would he send someone who's specialty was explosives along on a mission like this?_

"_But why not un?" he whined._

"_It's a stealth mission; any and all loud noises will compromise it. Now quit sulking we're here," he stated as they entered a small village. Once in, they walked around the village until dark, when their mission would take place._

"_So this is the place un?" Deidara asked, looking over at his partner._

"_Yes, now shut up." The two then jumped up to the window of the room where the scrolls were kept, using their chakra to stick to the wall. Sasori quickly picked the lock on the window and they climbed in._

"_Is this the scroll un?" the bomber whispered, pointing to one._

"_Yes, but don't-" before Sasori could finish his sentence, a loud alarm went off as his partner grabbed the scroll. The redhead glared angrily at the blonde before exiting through the window. Deidara followed behind as they fled from the village, just barely avoiding being seen by the ninja who came to see what set off the alarm. Once they were a good distance from the village, Sasori stopped and turned to face his partner. He let out a heavy sigh then_

"_WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BRAT! I specifically told you not to make any noise, but you just couldn't listen could you!?" Deidara winced slightly at his partner's harsh tone and tried to speak._

"_I-"_

"_And this is only your first mission, yet already you've messed up! If you hadn't been here the mission would have gone perfectly fine! And-"_

"_But Danna, I-"_

"_Don't interrupt me brat! You've already made me angry enough so just shut up! Honestly, I can't believe leader-san thought you'd be a good partner," he muttered the last part under his breath as he began to walk again. Deidara followed, looking down at his feet as he walked._

I've always been too hard on him about everything. In a way, he ended up being an outlet for all of my anger and frustration. I never once stopped to try to understand him; all I ever did was insult him, even for the things he couldn't control or didn't even realize were wrong.

_Deidara sat on his bed in the room he shared with Sasori , making small clay sculptures to blow up later. He knew if he blew them up now his partner would go ballistic on him. The redhead was out of Hiruko since they weren't on a mission, and he liked it more when his partner wasn't in that creepy puppet of his. He found Hiruko kind of freaky, especially knowing it was once a human, as the puppetmaster had told him._

"_Stop with that noise brat, it's irritating," Sasori growled, turning his head to glare at the blonde._

"_What noise danna un?" he asked, tilting his head to the side slightly._

"_You know what I'm talking about, now stop it," he snapped._

"_No I don't un," the bomber argued as his handmouth spit out the clay he'd been molding. Sasori caught sight of the extra mouth and scowled._

"_That's disgusting. Are those freakish things what was making the noise?" he scoffed. The blonde frowned, his eyes narrowing into a glare._

"_They're not disgusting un, it's how I make my art!"_

"_They're repulsive and just as useless as that trash you call art." Deidara looked away, biting his bottom lip slightly. Lying back on his bed, he stared at the ceiling quietly, not wanting to continue the conversation._

I wonder if he hates me for how cruelly I always treated him. After a while I stopped hating him so much and he became more tolerable. But I didn't want him to know that I was beginning to accept him. At the time, I was too concerned with my reputation of being calm and emotionless to realize how much I might have been hurting him.

_Lying on his bed, Deidara stared up blankly at the ceiling, absentmindedly listening to the sounds of Sasori working on his puppets. A small frown formed on his face as he thought about his partner. Ever since he'd found out Sasori was an artist, he only wanted to gain his acceptance. The bomber tried to show him his fleeting art but he only ever got insulted in response._

_He briefly glanced over at the redhead, who was sitting at his desk working, and felt his eyes begin to water. Quickly looking away, he raised his hand to quickly wipe furiously at his eyes. He couldn't understand why Sasori could make him so upset. Maybe it was that he had never felt the need to gain anyone else's acceptance or respect before, his own opinion had always been enough. _

_But once he was forced into Akatsuki, all of that changed. Deidara had hoped, upon finding out his partner also happened to be an artist, that he might find acceptance here, when he couldn't anywhere else. But he realized now, thinking something like that was possible was just stupid wishful thinking on his part._

_Deidara rolled over on his side so that his back was to the puppetmaster working on the other side of the room as the tears he had been trying to hold back fell down his face. Even though the blonde realized that, he still couldn't help but continue to try and gain any form of respect from his partner. No matter how unlikely or even impossible he knew it was, or how many times he told himself it was impossible, he couldn't stop this sense of hope he felt._

_The bomber bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut as a sob tried to escape his lips and his body began to tremble slightly. He tried to calm himself down, not wanting his partner to hear him or see him this way. Slowly, he brought his shaking hands up to cover his face. It had been years since he'd cried, he was about ten that time. It was the first time that he'd been ridiculed for the mouths on his hands. _

_The thought reminded him of how Sasori had insulted his hands when he first saw them. The word freak came to mind. It was the same thing the villagers in Iwa had called him. Freak was also the one word that always stung when said, whether it was directed at him or not. It was that one word that always got to him, no matter who said it, the word made him doubt himself. He'd always known he wasn't a freak, but he lost confidence when people made him doubt that. And Sasori, the one person who he hoped for acceptance from, saying that painful word was all it took to bring the blonde to tears. He had been walling up the emotions for almost eight years now and the redhead had broken his control, and letting all of those emotions pour out._

_A muffled sob escaped his lips and he tensed, terrified that Sasori had heard the sound. He did._

"_Brat, what are you doing?" he snapped, looking over at his partner in annoyance._

"_N-nothing danna un," he said quietly, mentally cursing himself for letting his voice crack. Sasori stood up and walked over to his partner as another muffled sob escaped the blonde's lips. _

"_Are… you crying?" he asked. Deidara clenched his fist and brought his arms closer to his body at the scornful undertone he heard in the puppetmaster's voice._

"_N-no danna, I'm n-not crying un," he tried to convince him._

"_I can't believe it. You are an S-ranked criminal brat; emotions are useless burdens that you should have gotten rid of by now. Quit being so weak," he sneered. The blonde didn't answer but only curled himself into a tighter ball. _

"_Get out of this room right now brat."_

"_Wh-what un?"_

"_You heard me, get out! Your crying is annoying, not to mention disgraceful, and I don't want to have to sit here and listen to it. You can come back once you've learned some control," he said, grabbing the back of the bomber's shirt and yanking him off of the bed. Quietly, Deidara left the room._

I didn't want to express myself, afraid of seeming weak, but it was hard to see him so upset that he actually cried. But of course, I was too concerned with not revealing any of my emotions to show that. I honestly did feel concerned for him; I just never let him know.

_The two artists were surrounded by a group of ten ANBU, which had formed a circle around them. As the other shinobi charged forward they jumped out from the circle and to opposite sides of the clearing where they were battling. Sasori scowled as explosions rocked the ground, their bright colors lighting up the afternoon sky. He shot out Hiruko's tail, easily taking out two of his attackers. _

_He noticed a lapse in the barrage of explosions that had been going on but paid no mind to it. Once he had finished off his last opponent, he turned around to see his partner had also done so. But something seemed a bit off. He looked a bit closer and noticed a red stain around the blonde's right shoulder. But he ignored it, figuring that his partner would be fine._

"_Come on brat, we need to get back to the base," he said, beginning to walk in that direction._

"_Okay danna," he said, following behind, while holding a hand against the spot where he'd been stabbed with a kunai._

Even when he got injured, I didn't stop for a second to see if he's okay or help him. That's something that any good partner would do. But I wasn't a good partner, I was a terrible one, and still am. That's why this all happened in the first place….

_Sasori scowled in annoyance as he paced in front of the village's exit. He and his partner had just finished a mission in the village and they had split up to complete . Their planned meeting time had been ten minutes ago and the puppetmaster's patience was wearing thin._

"_He's not here, I'm leaving without him," he finally said, turning and walking away from the village. His partner knew he hated to wait so he couldn't understand why the blonde would be a whole ten minutes late. He irritably grumbled under his breath as he got further and further from the village._

_Meanwhile, Deidara had finally arrived at the designated meeting point to find that his partner was not there. He was nervous at first, thinking that Sasori would yell at him for being so late, but he became confused when he wasn't even there._

"_Maybe he's in the village still un…" he mumbled, sitting down to wait for the redhead, not knowing that he'd already left._

I was even rude to Deidara when he was trying to help me, yet he always continued to try. He never seemed to give up. But all I ever did was shoot him down and just ruin any effort he made to be nice by acting like a jerk. I even lost my temper a few times.

_A look of deep concentration adorned Sasori's face as he worked quietly on one of his many puppets. He and Deidara had recently gotten back from a mission, and he was working on one of his puppets that had gotten slightly damaged. As he worked the redhead heard his partner entering the room.  
"Hey, danna un…" he said. _

"_What do you want brat?" he asked, the grip on his tool tightening slightly in annoyance. _

"_I was wondering…. Do you need any help fixing your puppets un?" he asked, walking to stand next to the redhead._

"_No."_

"_But, I really can help you danna un, I promise I won't be in your way."_

"_I said no, brat."_

"_Please un?"_

"_No!" Sasori snapped, simultaneously making a long accidental gash down the puppet's chest. He cursed loudly, standing up and grabbing his partner's shirt in his fist._

"_D-danna, I'm-" but he didn't get to finish as Sasori's fist connected with his jaw sending the blonde staggering back a few steps._

"_You stupid brat! Look at what you made me do," he hissed, stomping over to his partner._

"_I was only trying to help un!' he yelled._

"_I don't care now get out!" The puppetmaster roughly grabbed the blonde's long hair and dragged him over to the door where he opened it and threw him out._

All the times I blamed him for things that weren't his fault, he just took it. I don't know why. Most of the time it was my fault, yet I still always blamed him.

"_H-hey danna un?"_

"…"

"_S-Sasori danna, are y-you listening un?" The redhead still didn't answer, just continuing to read the book in front of him._

"_W-well, I just wanted to say, I-I'm sorry… You know, for earlier un…." Deidara said, his voice going quieter with each word as he fidgeted. It felt embarrassing to the blonde to apologize, and made him nervous, especially since he didn't know if his partner was still angry with him or not. After several more moments of silence he spoke up again._

"_Danna, d-did you hear me un?" he asked._

"…"

"_I-I guess I'll… I'll just go then…" he sighed, his shoulders slumping as he quietly left the room._

I guess these are the things that make me such a bad partner. It's also the reason why everything is turning out this way….

_Sasori and Deidara continued to fight the ANBU that had followed them when they left the village from their intel gathering mission. Suddenly, Sasori heard his partner call out to him._

"_Danna, help un!" But he ignored him, figuring he'd be fine. As he used his puppets to kill off one of the few remaining ninja before him, a feeling of uneasiness settled over him. He couldn't hear anymore explosions going off in the background. _

_Quickly turning around, his eyes widened. His partner was lying on the ground face down, unmoving. Still in a state of shock, he barely dodged the swing of one of the ANBU's katana. He manipulated his puppets to finish off the remaining ninja before he stored them away in their scrolls and rushed to where his partner was lying._

_Turning him over, he gasped slightly at the sight._

I feel the tears I had been trying to hold in for the past few minutes finally fall down my face as I looked down at Deidara. His shirt was soaked with blood from the large gash in his chest which I was currently trying to stop from bleeding. His face was pale and his eyes looked slightly glazed over as he stared up at me.

"Come on brat… Don't die…. Don't die on me, you're going to be fine," I mumbled, as my entire body began to shake.

"It'll be okay, just hold on… It's okay," I said again, my voice cracking. Everything happening now is my fault. If I had only helped him when he called, then I wouldn't have to sit here and watch him die right in front of me!

More tears poured from my eyes and I pressed harder on his chest. I know it's hopeless, but I just don't want him to die here.

"Danna…" he said weakly, coughing only seconds later, blood coming from his mouth.

"Don't speak Deidara, please…" I pleaded with him, speaking would only make it worse. He stayed quiet, and just stared up at me as his eyes began to slowly close.

"Hold on Deidara! Don't close your eyes, you have to stay awake! Please…" He didn't listen, and as I watched his eyes shut completely the world seemed to freeze.

"I'm so sorry Deidara…" I cried, brining my bloodied hands up to cover my face.

"It's okay danna un…" though his voice was barely a whisper, I heard him. Clenching my hands into fists, I let them drop down to my sides as I stared down at his motionless body. He looked so peaceful, as though he were merely sleeping. I could even see a small smile on his face. And at this, all I could do was cry.

**. . . . .**

**Good or bad, please review and tell me what you thought. Also, if enough of you guys want it, I'll write a sequel for this. **

**Thanks for reading!**


End file.
